Monthly Archives: October 2008

Consideration due

Considering again continuing on with my education – leaning toward a low residency MFA, possibly. At this point it depends on cost plus the impact it would ultimately have on my life – current and future.

The question I must first ask myself: Do I explore what makes me happy, or go with what could make me money?

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Goal(s) for October

  • continue the chronological work – polish the “done ones”
  • Submit something somewhere
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Objective

I know you
prickling behind my eyes
like some sort of giant needle
the relief is wearing thin, again,
and my open dilemma is positioning itself.

For forty-five minutes today I contemplated destination
driving five miles over the speed limit
mind wandering along the recesses, eyes darting across the landscape.
Am I accelerating toward disaster or relief?

In these instants I am surprised at how little I know of myself
— how unsure I’ve become these past few years.
What, again, was I striving for?

I hear the voice of my mother say something about the past
but I’m not listening –
all I want to hear is more optimism to drowned out the tinge of regret.

10.8.08
JMG

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Sting

My optimism abounds
swirling around me occasionally
Occasionally I have enough faith to believe in myself
Occasionally I can actually taste the beauty

a delicious contrast with how the 9-5 makes me feel
dead inside and inadequate
failing with my flailings

More than anything – I am searching for something to believe in
some cause to fight for
a smile to imagine the eventual departure

There are some things you wouldn’t understand –
being a man and having the equipment to better assert yourself –
it is exhausting to be respectful while knowing you are not at all respected.

Is it too much to want to be appreciated?
Too much to be treated with respect, as opposed to less than human?

I am not gum or shit on your shoe.
Do not continue to underestimate me.

10.8.2008
JMG

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Good Morning Autumn

Good Morning Autumn
first frost etched across the car window
exhaust looming in thick puffs overhead
How many people, I wonder, will struggle to heat their homes this winter?
The seemingly bleak situation contrasted against the lushness of all these plans
A mantra – We just need to get through this

10.7.08
JMG

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A morning of this

I dreamt of dirty garden feet and the discussion of gay marriage.
“who, why, you — shouldn’t there be some rage?” I asked.
Blank response and a shift to the garden hose clearing the muck
mouth agape and hands held open – frightening to see how quickly things can change

10.3.08
JMG

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