Tag Archives: anxiety

The Words Won’t

The words won’t
Johanna M. Vining

So much to say to you, like
I sometimes leave the kitchen cabinets open
   like leaving the door to my heart slightly ajar
which I guess could mean a couple things, but I think we both know

assumptions abound and I am remembering these past few months
you in the car before meeting my mother
me in the car looking at the mountains while you asked of my divorce
I didn’t want to say, but then my mouth door opened

mornings I pour this coffee down my throat
think of all the things my dreams were telling me, like
he’s the one! but what does that mean? it doesn’t matter, he is.
no verbalized supporting details, but I can’t argue

anxiety both more and less swollen
office drawer open, the pills roll in their amber case
folder covered, shut and relocked.
That was someone else, someone else, someone else.

Hum cutting the silence: I ask myself what it feels like to love,
but can’t give a good, solid answer because it keeps changing.
I want to say, this love, it keeps changing, but the words won’t
wrap themselves around my tongue, so I look to you.

5.6.2014

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March untitled morning

I wake to the smell of skunk and coffee
packed week adrenaline
words still fresh on my lids

ghost in the bed unspoken and subtle
I remember, yes, but the past is swiftly fading
swaying arms around me, now.

No barrier pillow here.

3.19.2014

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What happens after

What happens after
Johanna M. Geiger

waiting for a connection
some sense that I am not utterly alone
thoughts: this meandering restless ness
resting place not comforted

hours, an evening
flame out
You’s — a seemingly endless number
eyes switching shut: left, right, switch

could be and happened
it happened and I am a mere distraction
he asked me once, “what are you doing with all these yous?”
and I couldn’t answer
but he wasn’t you.

he’s never you.

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